My Truth

Sitting here debating on if I wanted to share this particular posting or not because its more personal then probably anything else that I’ll share with you all but I want my blog to be a mixture of everything, fun things, random things, my opinion on certain things/people and personal things. And this is my truth and I should be able to share that and not be afraid. And as I always say I know that there are people that can always relate to what others go through or deal with. So with all of this being said, most people that know me don’t know that I have a sister because we’ve never been close and I don’t think that we ever will be and here’s why.

My dad didn’t raise her but he raised me, let me explain to you why. So my dad was born in 1935, yes my dad is 81 years and my sister is 58 years old from what my dad tells me. But back when she was born black people had to work and work meant traveling around from state to state. So from what my dad tells me he couldn’t take my sister on the road with him from state to state/place to place, so he left her with his mother to raise since her mom didn’t want her from what I’ve been told. So my dad was the only parent that she had. So from what my dad has always told me he did the best that he felt like he could do for her back then.

So years and years later my parents met and years and years later I was born and my dad raised me and hes been a standup man in my mind but there has always been a wedge between me and my sister. Because I’ve always felt like she was maybe jealous that he raised me and not her because of how she treated me. I spent years trying to be in her life and in my neice and nephew lives but at some point after continuing to feel rejected by her I had to move on without her in my life and only love her because we have the same dad and some of the same DNA. So for years we’ve been estranged, my entire life, I’ve seen my sister I think twice my entire life but last week we finally had the talk that was over 30 years coming and she was very open and honest with me about everything and her truth.

And she basically told me how in her eyes our dad didn’t really want her I guess, he never did anything for her, never gave her any money, I guess that in her eyes he wasn’t ready to be a be a dad when she was born. She felt like for the first 30 years of her life nobody wanted her because her mom never wanted her and my dad had to work she he left her with his mom to raise and to her he didn’t spend enough time with her when she was growing up, when he would go back home to visit. And even though to me I’ll never see my dad like she does because that’s not that man that I know, he was always there for me but if there is any truth to what she said, maybe back when he had her he may not of been ready to be a father back then all those years ago. I don’t know, its he said, she said when it comes to my dad and my sister and I’ll always be in the middle of it no matter what and no matter how many years pass.

But my dad says things completely different then what my sister saying, so I’ll never know who to believe or what to believe, my sister was born almost 30 years before I was born, so whatever happened between my dad and my sister was long before I was ever even thought of. But the conversation that me and my sister had last week was years in the making and it needed to happen for me and my sister to ever have any type of real relationship with each other and for both of us to be able to move on with any lingering feelings about this entire situation. And even though my sister will say that she let go of that not being wanted feelings almost 30 years ago, I’m pretty sure that she’s felt some type of pain and feelings about our dad raising me and still being with my mom and him never being with her mom and him not raising her.

But now I think that we can both put everything behind us and I hope that we can build some sort of relationship as sisters and maybe me and my sister having the talk that needed to be had can bring my sister closer to our dad also. Time will tell but I definitely think that this conversation needed to happen finally and I’m happy that it happened, it was a weight off of my shoulders and I hope off of my sister shoulders also. So to anybody that is in a situation like this, where a parent didn’t raise you but raised another one of their kids or if you’re the child that they raised but they didn’t raise another one of their maybe sit down and talk it out and maybe things will be better between you to and maybe the talk will help the situation. But I needed to speak about this situation in the hopes that it will help others in this type of situation and because I wanted to share a more personal side of myself for a change!

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