Sad news today in the music world, singer Chester Bennington of Linkin Park committed suicide this morning and I was talking to my mom about him committing suicide and now I’m not much of a Linkin Park fan, I’ve really only liked one of their songs from years ago. But I still know what they’ve brought to music over the years, so I know what loss this is to many people that have always loved Linkin Park. But as I said I was talking to my mom about him committing suicide and I was telling her that he said that he had been molested as a child and my mom was like well him killing himself because of that was stupid and that he was stupid for killing himself over something that happened so many years ago in his life. And I was trying to tell her that being molested is something that a person will have to deal with for the rest of their lives and she has no clue what that kind of pain feels like because she’s never been molested. But she just kept saying that he’s dumb ass hell for killing himself over something that happened so many years ago and that plenty of people have been molested and they don’t kill themselves.
And yes my mom does have a point when she says that plenty of people have been molested as children and they haven’t killed themselves but everybody doesn’t deal with things the same way or handle things the same way. And things affects everybody differently and clearly for Chester Bennington he just couldn’t handle living what happened to him on this earth, clearly he couldn’t handle the pressures of whatever happened in his life and he felt like the only way out was to take his own life. Now I personally will never agree with somebody taking their own life, to me that’s a cowardly and selfish ass thing to do and killing yourself doesn’t just affect your life, it also affects the people that love you and in this case he had six children that need and depend on him. And he was selfish as hell to take himself away from his children more then anything, along with all the people that love and care about him.
And there are so many ways the handle that kind of depression, it’s 2017, there’s so reason why about should feel like suicide is the way to go, when there’s so much help out there now for that type of depression. And to me to kill yourself is the cowardly way out, you’re choosing to end it all instead of living and dealing with your issues head on. But I guess that he did what he felt like he had to do but I personally think that anybody that’s selfish enough to kill themselves are cowards and I do believe that they will burn in hell for all eternity like the bible says but I also can’t imagine what that kind of pain and depression feels like but I also could never be that kind of selfish or that much of a coward! But I pray that his family and his kids more then anything can find some kind of peace and can find a way to live with his passing!
So my dad is in a nursing home, we had to put him in one a few months ago, back in September because hes 81 years old and hes a big and tall man. And over the last few years his physical condition has slowly been getting worse and worse and over the last year or so hes been falling some but by the end of last year it had gotten to the point where he was falling way to often and once again with him being such a big and tall man it makes it hard to get him up. And it has gotten to the point where my mom had to bathe him and where we would have to call people to help us get him from the bed to the bathroom and it just became to much by September. So we had to put him in a nursing home and oh my goodness how life has changed so much since hes been in the nursing home in so many ways for myself, my mom and my son.
First of all my dad behavior started changing a couple of years ago as he got older and older and me being so young I was & I’m still not prepared for any of this. But since hes been in the nursing home his behavior has gotten so much worse because he still has yet to accept that hes not coming back home because at the end of the day we can not take care of him at home anymore, he cant walk, he cant do anything for himself anymore at this point. He now needs somebody to take care of him full time at this point, he needs a nurse and somebody to take care of him full time and we cant do that at home anymore and he refuses to accept that so his behavior a lot of the time is terrible and this senile behavior started a couple of years ago and its gotten worse as time has gone on and hes gotten older by the day. But for me being 32 years old its been hard for me to know how to react and mentally handle having a senile father and a father that is slowly going down because of his old age.
But there are some good days when we go to see my dad, some days hes fine and he asks normal and doesn’t give us any issues, its almost like dealing with a bipolar person that doesn’t take medication, you never know if you’re going to get him on a good day or a bad day and some days it can be so draining and so much but this has sadly become my reality because my dad was so selfish to bring me into this world when he was 49 years old, when he had no business having a baby at that age and this is why people should not bring babies into this world past the age of 40 in my opinion because in the end their kids will pay for their selfishness and that’s not fair and its not right!
So I will continue to post updates on my journey with having a dad that’s in a nursing home, his mood swings and some of the times that I go to visit him. I know that I’m not the only person dealing with this issue, I don’t think that many people my age are dealing with this issue but I don’t think that I’m the only person going through this though. So I look forward to hearing from others that have or are currently dealing with having a parent in a nursing home.